adventures of a recovering iowan
wherever you go, there you are
adventures of a recovering iowan
smart recycling... (or, how to reduce your carbon footprint if you drink bottled beer)
Yes, those are upside-down beer bottles on the left. OK, before you exclaim in horror, "OMG! This is the tackiest thing I've ever seen!", please hear me out... I'm trying to do a good thing for all of you by making garden terracing and edge fencing out of beer bottles. Yes, I'm introducing a new concept I'm calling "eco-tacky"... it may be tacky, but it's better for the environment overall.
My brother, the environmental scientist and I had a long conversation in Florida about recycling, et. al. Bro is quite well versed in this area and informed me that a vast majority of glass bottles put in recycling bins actually are NOT recycled, but end up in landfills anyway. You see, recycling glass is apparently quite cost prohibitive, as it's much cheaper to just dig up some sand and make new glass. Fortunately the glass is not toxic to the environment, BUT the additional fossil fuels required to haul the heavy glass around adds tremendously to the taxpayer's burden, CO2 emissions, environmental stress and really does nobody any good except the big oil companies.
Wow. I realized that I am single-handedly burdening my fellow citizens & enabling corporate greed by not only my own consumption of bottled beer, but the bottles that accumulate at my parties (some of which are just friends coming over to hang out & drink beer...). All this time I had thought I was being a good green citizen by dutifully loading up my recycling bin and lugging it out to the curb every 2 weeks. Alas, I guess I wasn't. No wonder the recycling guy would often curse as he dumped my oversized bottle load into the truck (especially after a couple/few parties).
So I decided to make "useful" things with my beer bottles. I needed some garden edging anyway, so thought "why not beer bottles?" God knows I have enough materials! So I just started doing it. Granted, it's a work in progress (like most things I do, it seems). The plan is to create terracing on the little hill where Shedra resides (also called "Mount Mojo", as he loves to perch on top of the hill and oversee his little doggie domain... he's so friggin' cute!!) When it's finished, the sides of the bottles will no longer be as visible. For now, however, I'm finding it quite visually entertaining, as I do love many of the label designs.
AND as an added benefit, I'm thinking my beer bottle fences/terraces will help to keep the slugs busy, therefore keeping them away from my plants this year! Since slugs are known to enjoy beer, I'm hoping that the residual beer drippings will lure them to the bottles where I will strategically sprinkle "Slug-be-Gone" (or whatever it's called). Hey, it sounds good in theory!
So yeah - I know it's tacky and I'm ok with that. Now that I'm almost officially old (50 in a few weeks), I feel I have earned the right to celebrate my tackiness in the open, and hope it will be viewed as "eccentric" rather than tacky one day... whatever - it is what it is, and at least it is better for the environment than putting bottles onto a recycling truck.
beer bottle garden edging around my tiny hosta garden
10 days in Florida that turned into 21...
What a trip this has been! I'm sitting here in my friends' home in Ft. Lauderdale, just replaying the last 3 weeks over in my head. I was lucky enough to see all of my Florida family and a lot of old friends. The first week was the first "break" I've taken in quite awhile, as it was Chinese New Year (ie: all the factories & printers I deal with were shut down for that period) and my biggest client was away at a trade show... so I was actually able to breath a bit for a few days. It was wonderful.
I went to Miami Seaquarium for the first time, in the company of 17 little special needs kids that my amazing sister-in-law was wrangling and herding like the true pro she is. Seaquarium was wonderful in a weird, old-Florida way. Fortunately our visit was a few days before the awful incident at Sea World in Orlando, so there was no awkward strangeness or morbid anticipation as we watched Lolita, the local Orca do her flips and tricks and leaps as she frolicked with her trainers. Of course I took my camera, as part of my mission was to document this field trip for Diane and her students... I took 839 photos in the 4 hours we were there. Yeah, I know... but if I do say so, myself, some of them came out quite well and I felt most pleased and lucky for the amazing photo opps.
There were parties and bonfires and clambakes and fresh fish off the boats and lunch on Espanola Way and even a citizenship ceremony... yes, my long time dear friend, English Cathy finally became a citizen last Friday. So we can no longer call her English Cathy, I guess. Today she told me of an incident in a crowded parking lot in which she scolded a woman for stealing her parking space. Yep, I told Cath she is a real American now, by golly! Ha!
After that first lovely week, workie madness took over again and I was basically tethered to my computer for the duration. Fortunately, this being South Florida and all, I was able to take my mini office outside some days and work among the tropical flora and fauna with actual warm sun all around me... ahhhhhh! (note: it was "cold" by SoFla standards most of the time, but there were a few mid-70's days in there... and the mid-60's days felt simply heavenly to me!)
Tomorrow I begin my journey back to my mountain home, where it may be cold and all, but it's home and I love it.
I know I've said it before, but I am very lucky. Lucky to live in such a wonderful place as Asheville, and lucky to be able to visit my Florida peeps periodically... best of both worlds, actually.
Thanks for all the good times, Fla peeps! I'll be back...
Are ya havin' a crappy day? Here's a quick 3-minute fix!
OK, unless you're a Vulcan or Dexter or some other creature with no capacity for emotion or "feelings", I guaran-ass-tee this little 3 minute clip will make you feel better... even if it's just for 3 minutes. But hey - on an otherwise crappy day, a 3-minute crappy-free break is better than nothing, right?
Fred Astaire once called this performance "the greatest dance number ever filmed." As far as I know, it is, ESPECIALLY because it's 100% real! No special effects! No tricks! These guys are abso-frickin-lutely A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! They have bionic rubber legs!! I would SO be in the hospital if I tried this - even in younger, fitter days! (and I won't even go into the theorizing one could do about their balls... are they kevlar or nonexistant? Details at 11...)
So sit back, hit Play and take a 3-minute break from the otherwise crappy day you might be having - especially if you live in one of these Arctic-esque places that are continually getting pounded with CRAPPY winter weather!!
(Note: the scattin' guy at the beginning is Cab Calloway, of course. And the video is mislabeled "Stormy Weather"... the number is actually "Jumpin' Jive")
time to flee...
OK, I've had it... I give up... I surrender! I have tried very hard to be the brave little soldier and buck up and hunker down and all that against this unbelievably cruel winter with blizzards & sleet & snow... oh my! But I guess I'm just a wimp after all... I can't take this Iowa-esque climate anymore! I left Iowa for that reason in the first place!!
Yes, I'm afraid it's time to flee to Florida for a little warm-up session. - like an Iguana crawling toward a hot rock - once the latest spate of Arctic hell abates for a couple of days (which should be next week some time... tho it seems it will snow & sleet & be SO fricking cold forever!).
In a weird way, the upcoming Florida trip will probably save me money. I just got my electric bill for last month... $344 for this little 800 sq. ft. house!!! Holy shit on a frozen shingle!!! (And no, I don't have a room full of electric chairs and industrial grain dryers and Large Hadron Colliders...) The worst bill I've ever had before was the previous month's $235... before that, the worst ever was about $180. Jesus H Christ.
So, yeah - I'm outta here soon. I'm already having visions of beaches and SUN and going barefoot and the occasional need for air conditioning... ahhhhhhhhhh.... I'll be able to feel my toes again!!!
No, I'm certainly not regretting my decision to live in Asheville - not at all. I love this little ville more than any other, but as in most great love affairs, I just need a little space right now... space that doesn't require space heaters... space that is drenched in sun-baked subtropical warmth... aaaahhhhhhhh!
Besides, the Tiki Bar needs some roof repair.
outsourcing... and reverse outsourcing?
Oh, the ONION, you are so clever sometimes!... seriously, tho, I wouldn't be surprised if some people are actually doing this...
On a semi-related note, I recently acquired my first client in Asia (Taiwan, to be exact), which kind of qualifies as reverse-outsourcing, don't you think? Oh, the ironies abound here, believe me. I've been communicating and dealing with Chinese, Taiwanese and Hong Kong factory printers for about 15 years because that's where most all the packaging for most everything you buy is printed now. As the US printing industry started to lose business, the graphic design industry also began to suffer the effects of the modern "ever-lower cost" mentality... in other words, most of us have been forced to lower our rates rather substantially over the last decade, especially small design entities like mine. I have long dubbed this the "Walmart* Effect" or the "Chinafication of America"... in other words, apparently the goal is to get us all working for about the same wages as the millions of grossly underpaid Asian workers.
The other irony here is that my new Asian client is (so far) not the same kind of penny-pincher as most of my American clients. They are actually a pleasure to work with all around... maybe because they know what it's like to be constantly beaten down in price while the expectations of service continually increase to near-ridiculous proportions... yes, strangely, the Asians and I are kindred spirits, I think.
Funny world.
* Just so you know, Walmart is 100% evil... don't even get me started...
more on the New Ice Age... Condition 1 Weather
OK, OK - I know it's not THAT cold here... but this video clip illustrates how cold it has "seemed" to me recently... it's all relative, you know...
This "Condition 1" thing reminds me a lot of Northwest Iowa, tho I will concede that Antarctica is a tad worse...
Welcome to the Ice Age... some survival tips for Arctic living
my back yard after the recent big blizzard...
Yes, I know - I grew up in Northwest Iowa where EVERY winter was a mini Ice Age... but I left! When I made my first move south in 1983, I vowed to never again live in any area that got colder than 40° as an "average". Before moving to Asheville in 2006, I researched the hell out of the local statistics, especially the weather & average year-round temperatures. That research showed average winter temps in the mid 40°s-ish for only a couple months, which was just barely acceptable after 20 years in sub-tropical South Florida. My first three winters here were true to the stats - even a bit warmer at times. It was looking good & I was acclimating pretty well.
But this recent/current Arctic Blast??!! What the hell??? I realize now that I truly DO hate the cold intensely, and that it wasn't just a long-ago memory that may have become exaggerated over time. No, cold is not good. It makes me sad & sometimes cranky. It also prevents me from doing simple life tasks like showering (my bathroom is in the 40°s & low 50°s these days... no heat in there... WAY too cold for a proper shower!) So I crank up yet another little space heater & do "European spit baths" instead, and quickly. Just removing a layer of clothing is a shock to my system, so I've devised a little routine wherein I put the fresh layers over my little radiator-style heater while removing the other layers... that way I only have to endure a few seconds of frozen hell until the toasty warm layers go on.
Even just taking out the trash or getting the mail (both tasks are less than 30 feet from my front door) requires major bundling before opening the door. These 30 foot trips are enough to make my face hurt. As for fingers & toes... well they're perpetually numb these days anyway.
I haven't worn less than 4 layers of clothing for weeks now (3 sweatshirts & a long underwear shirt plus fleece pants & long johns plus at least 3 pairs of warm socks and slippers.) My old 1925 house is - well, leaky I guess, so the heaters just don't quite cut it when it's this frickin' cold. Luckily my friend, Dillon loaned me a propane heater to supplement, and even tho it looks like a contraption from the movie, "Brazil", it is saving Mojo's & my butts from turning to pure ice right now.
During this recent experience, I have reacquainted with my inner-survivor... not that I'm exactly happy about that, mind you. But I have employed some little Arctic survival methods that (knock on wood) are still keeping Mojo & me on the right side of the frozen dirt... so far. For those of you who also hate the cold and are NOT accustomed to sub-zero temps on a continual basis, AND who live in old houses with sub-par heating and insulation, here are my little tips:
Tip #1: Never venture more than 12" away from your contained-oil space heater. If you can strap yourself to it, even better.
Tip #2: Cook & bake a LOT... then eat it. The oven & stove are wonderful heaters for the kitchen area, at least. And all the extra food you've cooked will plump you up nicely, adding a much-needed layer of personal insulation to help ward off the shivers.
Tip #3: Layer. Layer. Layer... then add another layer of clothing. If you don't appear to be at least 50 lbs. heavier than you really are, you're not layering enough.
Tip #4: Don't leave your house. However, if you absolutely must, then be sure to bundle up in your most aggressive winter gear at least 20 minutes before actually going outside. The extra body heat you accumulate will help get you from the door to the car without crying.
Tip #4A: When forced to leave the house by car, start the car & crank up the heater at least 30 minutes before getting in. If there is ice on the windshield, most of it will melt and slide off by the time you're ready to drive. This is really good, because few things in life suck more than scraping ice off a windshield when you're already half frozen.
Tip 5: Flee as far south as you possibly can... somewhere around the Equator would be good.
Since a trip to Ecuador is not really feasible for me right now, I think it might be time for another little road trip to South Florida... it would just be nice to be able to feel my toes again... AND to have a nice, comfortable shower whenever I want!
the bizarre, yet effective propane heater
Frankencooking
Recently I've been doing some of my rather crazy food experiments that I call "Frankencooking". I don't really know why this happens... maybe just because I have a procrastination problem with my still-insane workload, or maybe because I don't like following recipes to the letter... or maybe just because I'm crazy and enjoy spending way too much time on bizarre concoctions that are sometimes surprisingly fabulous and sometimes ultimately disastrous, but always great "escape" in the process.
Usually Frankencooking starts with one ingredient that happens upon me for one reason or another. The most recent madness was kicked off by a large Pattypan squash that Fliss gave me from her prolific Pattypan crop this year. The same event had also brought another dozen fresh eggs from Kyle & Jen's backyard coop. So I started wondering, "what can I do with this very bland squash and those wonderful eggs... and some of the other random stuff I have in the fridge & pantry?".
Well, all I can tell you is that the adventure began with what seemed like "practical" thinking - using ingredients I like that I already have, and trying to create a somewhat souffle-like creature that would also feature garlic & home-grown banana peppers & shrimp & bits of ham & sour cream & Havarti cheese. Sounded pretty interesting in theory. But then I decided to process up the whole garlic bulb with the banana peppers (which made quite a lot). The original intent was to set aside most of that garlic/pepper blend for other uses. But somewhere between loading the kitchen counter with various ingredients and listening to some get-down Reggae and daydreaming, I forgot that garlic/pepper plan and scooped the entire wad into the already rather strange mush I was creating.
I processed and tweaked and processed some more - totally winging it - no recipes. When I was finished mashing all this stuff together, I added the chopped shrimp & ham pieces, some homemade basil pesto and I'm not really sure what else. I decided to bake these in small-ish baking dishes (a single person thing), assuming that after about 10-15 minutes, I would peek into the oven and find them exuberantly rising and bursting forth like happy souffle-like creatures. But alas... there was no rising or puffing or exuberance of any kind that I could see. So I let them go a bit longer before peeking again. Still no exuberance - no fluffing - just awkward-looking goo in baking dishes that, if they could talk, would ask "why?".
Finally I had to acknowledge that these were not souffle-like at all, but rather hopefully a bread pudding-like texture? After about 40 minutes in the 375° oven, I pulled the little strangelings out and set them on the counter to cool. About 15 minutes later, I decided to have a taste and test the texture. The texture was mush. The taste was certainly flavorful... full of GARLIC!!! Jeez! No vampire could ever survive that - even just my breath could wipe out a whole cave full!
I was somewhat bummed and annoyed at the tremendous waste of time and ingredients that had gone into producing this inedible mush. However, I was still not daunted! I decided that I would throw the cooled mush mass into my groovy little food processor and make a garlic paste of sorts, to be added sparingly to fabulous dishes that require a respectable garlic hit. So I processed again... and it actually worked. I now have a rather amazing batch of a garlic paste that is truly tasty and interesting... complex and robust... garlicey and playful.
Of course I haven't actually tried adding my new mega-garlicey paste to anything yet, but I printed about 10 recipes from the internets tonight that seem to have potential. No, I won't follow any of these recipes exactly because none of them call for "super-garlicey goo-paste made from al the stuff you happened to have in your fridge that night".
So, I'll wing it again. If I'm lucky, I will create a likable food monster that won't wreak havoc on the village.
HUGE snake on my kitchen floor!!!!!!
(the HUGE snake on my kitchen floor... the floor tiles are 16" square... I just measured them)
YES! There was a GIGANTIC snake on my kitchen floor this afternoon!!! OMG times a million!!!
OK, it was probably between 3 & 4 ft. long... but OMG!!! When a 3-4 foot snake is hanging out in your eencie-weencie galley-style kitchen, it's motherf•ckin' HUGE!!! Especially when you're just auto-pilot-cell-orbit-wandering into the kitchen at 3:30 in the afternoon, on a highly important phone call with a client in which we were solving some potentially huge problems with projects and Chinese printers and the latest "super urgent" needs with deadlines that defy physics and/or linear time, et. al... just as we had resolved the issue of the "this too urgent at once" email (verbatim Chinese subject line) regarding Stretch Cord packaging (ie: box vs. hang card), I caught a glimpse of a shadow or something moving below me... I looked down... and there... 12" from my bare feet, lined neatly along the kitchen cabinet base on the floor... was the snake. I shrieked over the phone, which must have sounded pretty bizarre to my client, as I started yelling like a 13 year old, "OH MY GOD!!! THERE'S A SNAKE IN MY KITCHEN!!! AND IT'S RIGHT THERE!!! ON THE FLOOR!!!! BY THE SINK!!!! OH MY GAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD!!!!!!"
My client just laughed (we've worked together since 1994) and said, "Sounds like you need to go - so do I". (yes, he had been trying to escape my interrogation-style phone call for several minutes - I think he was most relieved that Mr. Snake decided to lounge on my galley floor at that moment...)
So I ended the call and stood there for a second, thinking "ok, what do I do?" Immediately I sprang into crisis management mode and ran for my camera. On the way back to the snake, I realized that I should probably put on some shoes... and get something long to coax the slithery intruder back outside with. So I grabbed my ugly, yet rubber crocs for my bare feet and my 31-year-old stolen fencing sword (compliments of the University of Iowa Phys Ed Dept in 1978)
With the fencing sword in one hand, I proceeded to shoot some... well, rather blurry and not well composed shots of the snake on my kitchen floor, just to document this unprecedented event that got my adrenaline pumping again. After the first shot flashed, Mr. Snake got camera shy ad started heading into my pantry... a perfect hiding place for a snake, as there's tons of "stuff" in there offering multitudes of hideouts. So I instinctively squatted into the classic fencing "alle" position, pointed my plastic-tipped sword at my serpentine trespasser, and began gently pushing him toward the back door. At one point, Mr. Snake decided that he did NOT want to go that way and got all snaky and slithery and weird... so I smacked the tip of the foil onto the tile floor just in front of Snake. Interestingly, he seemed to respect that. He did not want to be whacked like that (tho I wouldn't have whacked him, unless I felt truly threatened with snakebite action). I continued my hard tapping combined with gentle herding nudges on Mr. Snake. Eventually he slithered back under the back door (with a now-realized HUGE gap between door and floor) and onto the back porch.
Once out of the house, Snake made a bee-line for the area between my big cooler and the wall. By this point, Mojo caught on that there was something interesting happening so immediately volunteered to help. Yeah, no. I put Mini-Mo in the house (much to his chagrin) and proceeded with my photo documentation and fencing foil nudging to see that Mr. Snake found his way back into the wilds of West Asheville, but not before a couple more pics.
Funny, I was just recently thinking, "things have been kind of boring lately... no good adrenaline rushes...".
"Careful what you think."
my strange little insane world of graphic design
Yep, I'm back in to "the mode" full bore... the comparatively insane world of graphic design has once again ingested me. I am even dreaming about design projects - troubleshooting website issues... solving design problems... none of these dreams involving sex or intrigue or playful mischief, et. al... I miss my old dreams. I'm also becoming increasingly boring to my friends, sometimes blathering on about the ridiculous deadlines or the Chinese printers or the various design project challenges... only to eventually notice that the poor things are looking at me rather quizzically, wondering what the hell I'm on about.
And no, I'm not complaining... not exactly. I'm thrilled to have all this work and feeling very very lucky, considering the still-scary state of the economy, etc.
I guess one of my complaints of late has been that I've "lost my muse" - I just haven't been feeling too creative. OK, some of this could be attributed to the fact that I've been designing (or rather "executing") some pretty boring crap, like instructions for a doorway pullup bar, a workout poster for a yoga ball, silhouetting photos of boat shoes and air beds and various other products that fall under my special category of "SSTNON" (Stupid Shit That No One Needs).
One of my other complaints lately has been that ALL my projects (save one) have been EXTREME HOT RUSHES... meaning "I need this last week!!!" The funny kicker is that these people all want the Mona Lisa in 5 minutes for $1.98. Yeah... whatever (says the design whore as she gulps on her last drop of dignity... ha!)
But tonight - on this auspicious day of 09/09/09 - I had a minor creative flash again. Don't get excited - it wasn't that great, but it made me happy with a design for a change.
The task was this: Do a "really quick" (meaning I guess I should just press a special button on my keyboard...) design for packaging for seriously cheap Chinese outdoor game items, like batminton sets and paddle ball sets and the like. My client called at 7:45 pm from his hotel "on the road" - he needs this for a meeting with a buyer in the morning, of course. Yeah... whatever.
So I did a quickie down & dirty design & mocked up the package photos... they were ok for the product & market (just barely), but I felt empty after firing off the emails with these proofs attached. I stepped out on to my little back porch oasis - had a smoke - cracked a Shock Top and started my process of daydreaming about the packages I had just designed... then it hit me. Earlier I had found a really cool vintage photo of 2 very serious looking turn-of-the-century (20th) men holding rackets and looking - well, very serious. I loved the irony of this - the product line is called "Pure Play" and the logo and type I've spec'd for this packaging are all very kid-like and totally not serious.
So check out the new packaging that actually made me smile below:
Now - here's the funny kicker with this project. I'll lay big odds that the client goes with the previous "ho hum" design (see below). My client is relatively cool and has fairly good taste in some areas, but he is totally cowed by the buyers, as are all manufacturers who want to actually sell their products. So I understand that part.
What I don't understand is the buyers sometimes. The reality for items such as the "Boom Boom Paddle Set" and the "Bashminton Set" are that the consumers making the buying decisions in stores for these things are NOT 3 year olds. Trust me - I had one (yes, 20 years ago...) and I know that the ONLY time a little kid drives a buying decision is when Barney or Elmo or whatever kiddie "flavor of the month" character is on the package... OR if the product has been so heavily pimped on TV that the package is instantly recognizable to the little consumer-tots.
No - these buying decisions are made by adults - pure and simple. They buy this crap because it's seriously cheap and looks like it could be "fun" for the kids - even if it's only for the few minutes it lasts before breaking. So my thinking is this - appeal to the ADULTS here, while keeping the theme "fun". My other thought is that this is totally the kind of item that an adult might buy as a gag gift for another adult - this is where the packaging is a serious help. I, myself am a long time sucker for that kind of thing - cool or at least interesting packaging on a dreadfully cheap and stupid product. I'm in!
OK - maybe my packaging suckerdom is because I'm a designer of the evil packaging... stuff that chokes our landfills, fells our trees, depletes our environment of good things, bla bla bla. Hey, somebody's got to do it. (and yes - I do have some limits: I won't design anything for any "violent" or otherwise hurtful industries and I won't knowingly put statements on a piece that are false, et. al.) I do also always try to encourage clients to print on recycled materials and use eco-friendly inks. Yeah, I try. Sometimes it works, so I guess that's sort of good.
So - yeah, I'll be curious to get the feedback on these designs. Again, I would almost bet the farm (if I had one) that they'll go with "boring" instead of "quirky", based on my 20+ years' experience with such things. Whatever. At least I'll get paid either way. (what a whore!)
"boring" design below... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz