multitasking and stuff
It has also occurred to me that the current frenetic pace is still nothing compared to my work/life pace in the 1990's, which was just one notch shy of insane. Some of my favorite lines then were "I eat stress for breakfast!" and "sleep is for wimps!", et. al. Yeah, I was so superhuman... or so I thought.
During that periodl, a friend sent me the following clipping from the Guardian's Jackdaw column which I found absolutely brilliant and hilarious - the ultimate "multi-tasking tale"! It's an essay written by a university applicant in answer to the question “Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?"
Read on - it's pure genius:
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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello.. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire, I am a private citizen yet I receive fan mail...
Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration.. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbishg an entire dining room that evening. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bull fights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri-Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
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OK, if this kid didn't get accepted, that college should be spanked.
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