Yes, I know - I grew up in Northwest Iowa where EVERY winter was a mini Ice Age... but I left! When I made my first move south in 1983, I vowed to never again live in any area that got colder than 40° as an "average". Before moving to Asheville in 2006, I researched the hell out of the local statistics, especially the weather & average year-round temperatures. That research showed average winter temps in the mid 40°s-ish for only a couple months, which was just barely acceptable after 20 years in sub-tropical South Florida. My first three winters here were true to the stats - even a bit warmer at times. It was looking good & I was acclimating pretty well.

But this recent/current Arctic Blast??!! What the hell??? I realize now that I truly DO hate the cold intensely, and that it wasn't just a long-ago memory that may have become exaggerated over time. No, cold is not good. It makes me sad & sometimes cranky. It also prevents me from doing simple life tasks like showering (my bathroom is in the 40°s & low 50°s these days... no heat in there... WAY too cold for a proper shower!) So I crank up yet another little space heater & do "European spit baths" instead, and quickly. Just removing a layer of clothing is a shock to my system, so I've devised a little routine wherein I put the fresh layers over my little radiator-style heater while removing the other layers... that way I only have to endure a few seconds of frozen hell until the toasty warm layers go on.

Even just taking out the trash or getting the mail (both tasks are less than 30 feet from my front door) requires major bundling before opening the door. These 30 foot trips are enough to make my face hurt. As for fingers & toes... well they're perpetually numb these days anyway.

I haven't worn less than 4 layers of clothing for weeks now (3 sweatshirts & a long underwear shirt plus fleece pants & long johns plus at least 3 pairs of warm socks and slippers.) My old 1925 house is - well, leaky I guess, so the heaters just don't quite cut it when it's this frickin' cold. Luckily my friend, Dillon loaned me a propane heater to supplement, and even tho it looks like a contraption from the movie, "Brazil", it is saving Mojo's & my butts from turning to pure ice right now. 

During this recent experience, I have reacquainted with my inner-survivor... not that I'm exactly happy about that, mind you. But I have employed some little Arctic survival methods that (knock on wood) are still keeping Mojo & me on the right side of the frozen dirt... so far. For those of you who also hate the cold and are NOT accustomed to sub-zero temps on a continual basis, AND who live in old houses with sub-par heating and insulation, here are my little tips:

Tip #1: Never venture more than 12" away from your contained-oil space heater. If you can strap yourself to it, even better.

Tip #2: Cook & bake a LOT... then eat it. The oven & stove are wonderful heaters for the kitchen area, at least. And all the extra food you've cooked will plump you up nicely, adding a much-needed layer of personal insulation to help ward off the shivers.

Tip #3: Layer. Layer. Layer... then add another layer of clothing. If you don't appear to be at least 50 lbs. heavier than you really are, you're not layering enough.

Tip #4: Don't leave your house. However, if you absolutely must, then be sure to bundle up in your most aggressive winter gear at least 20 minutes before actually going outside. The extra body heat you accumulate will help get you from the door to the car without crying.

Tip #4A: When forced to leave the house by car, start the car & crank up the heater at least 30 minutes before getting in. If there is ice on the windshield, most of it will melt and slide off by the time you're ready to drive. This is really good, because few things in life suck more than scraping ice off a windshield when you're already half frozen.

Tip 5: Flee as far south as you possibly can... somewhere around the Equator would be good.

Since a trip to Ecuador is not really feasible for me right now, I think it might be time for another little road trip to South Florida... it would just be nice to be able to feel my toes again... AND to have a nice, comfortable shower whenever I want!